Curry Capital of the UK

I've discovered something - England is buccolic! Unbelievably, unendingly so. And I had more than a decade's worth of scenic pastoral England on my train journey from London to Glasgow. Five mind numbing hours of green fields with fat, brown flecked white sheep -all looking damp and dismal. So much so that I actually cheered up when I saw Glasgow. (The Greenpeace types will probably feel I'm betraying the faith. Happy to see the urban jungle, especially one that grew out of shipyard industry? The horror of it all!)

Yet I did enjoy wandering around Glasgow. Wandered into GOMA (I forget what the O is for, MA for musuem of art and G is obvious). GOMA was a mistake (to wander into that is). My Neanderthal brain cannot process abstract modern stuff. I was highly entertained though by this fixture (or whatever artists call their things). Got it installation. It was about the 2 local football (or rugby) teams who are the local India and Pakistan cricket teams but worse (imagine!). They are unimaginatively called the celtics and rangers. There were posters with some African king in a pro celtics poster and for the rangers was Mangal Pandey!

I then went to the Glasgow School of Art which confusingly (at least to me) talked all about this architect Charles Rennie Mackintosh and his work. I had to read the pamphlet (to avoid showing my absolute ignorance about this guy) and found out that he had designed the school and is rather belatedly recognised as a big cheese in the architectural world. So took the tour of the school and learnt a bit more. To be honest it was quite interesting though the guide was over bubbly.

I better talk about curry at least to justify the title. The nice people on the tour bus informed us that Glasgow is the curry capital of the UK. Strange, I would have thought London but no the Scots love their curry. The tour guide actually pronounciated garam masala and curry quite clearly. And I did see many Indian restuarants around town. Even ended up going to one! Not bad but rather oily North Indian food.

Travels with a Backpack (no donkeys!)

After 2 weeks in the UK, I'm finally getting used to doing things the British way. I have stopped saying, "How's it going?" or smiling at passersby. The first couple of days I wasn't sure if people in the UK greeted strangers like in America but apparently the brits are too taciturn. It is just not done. Now if only I could rid myself of the pesky "like" in every other sentence. How mortifying that I now speak American with ease!

Wee little me had to suddenly get used to the Scottish accent this week, having spent the last few days in Glasgow, Edinburgh and somewhere along the various lochs in western Scotland. The tour guides ham up the accent even more! I thought it was a stereotype- the wee and puir- but I actually heard it! And then there were those incomprehensible train station announcements in Edinburgh. The accent was so thick I didnt get any of it. Worse than the Hindi announcements in Chennai Central where the emphasis and pauses are always off.

Nevertheless, I had a good time wandering around Glasgow and Edinburgh. Edinburgh has this hill on the outskirts which was asking to be climbed, so I did. The view was, as we say in American, LIKE AWESOME! I could see across the Firth of Forth. I have always liked that name. Has a nice ring to it. Unfortunately I had to squint at the view as the stiff winds kept blowing grit into my eyes. Then I had lunch at Deacon Brodie's cafe where they have a rather ugly plaster of Paris Brodie beckoning you into the cafe. Brodie is part of Edinburgh legend. Apparently he was a fine upstanding pillar of society by day, and a burglar by night. Nowadays we elect such people to be our heads of state.

I was unpleasantly taken aback to see Starbucks, KFC, McDonalds etc all over the place. Actually I wasnt too unhappy to see Starbucks as I thought here was something familiar. It was comforting as I was very skeptical of British coffee (if such a thing exists). Sadly, Starbucks in UK tastes even worse (their coffee was never great to start with) than in the US. The latte is basically milk with a smidgeon of coffee. Terrible! The excellent single malt I had earlier today made for the trials and tribulations though!

The Right Side...of the...pavement?road?asphalt?

Who would have thought I'd have trouble crossing the road. Isn't that something one masters as a kid, especially when one grows up in India where we have it down to a fine art? I thought that when I get back to a land where they drive on the right side of the road, I would rejoice and feel absolutely at home. It was not to be! I'm in England and I keep looking left before crossing and then just as I step off the sidewalk, or pavement or whatever, I remember that left is right! To add insult to injury, I have to start thinking metric again! Just when I had finally got the hang of gallons, quarts and ounces. Though to be honest, I never quite understood ounces. I went to the grocery store today and actually ended up calculating that 1 kg is about 2 lb!

(I feel like George W. when he said something about the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing and simultaneously reiterating his point by flailing his left and then his right hand! You have to see it to get it. As always YouTube can help there. It should be on Letterman's Top Ten George Bush Moments. I shall have to take comfort in the fact that I can spell better than Georgie. I doubt he'd be able to spell reiterate correctly!)

As for my impressions of England...she lives up to her stereotype - damp, drizzly and full of people who call you 'love' and are quite happy to discuss the weather! It is an excellent conversation starter, though there is only so much discussion of the weather that can take place.

The mama sequel…

Unfortunately for me, I saw the mama again a couple of days ago. I hoped to do the nod-half smile quick getaway but he started talking, “I will give you my address in Chennai. When you visit Chennai you must come and visit. I will be able to advice you. Free advice, ha ha ha”. On what? How to be a narrow minded pompous ass? Gee, I wouldn’t pass that up for the world!

The Simon & Garfunkel song, 7 O'Clock News/Silent Night was playing and the lyrics caught my attention. The format being a newscaster reading the (what else?) news. The last few lines was pure déja vu...

“Former vice-president Richard Nixon says that unless there is a substantial increase in the present war effort in Vietnam, the U.S. should look forward to five more years of war.
In a speech before the convention of the veterans of foreign wars in New York, Nixon also said opposition to the war in this country is the greatest single Weapon working against the U.S.”

This is what Dubya has been saying except he is talking about Iraq. My favourite part being that opposition to the war means playing into the hands of the Enemy and supporting the Enemy and is Unpatriotic! This in the land where the first amendment to the Constitution safeguards the freedom of speech!

The ‘I can blade you cos we are both Tamilians in a strange land’ mama…

I was walking the dog and I had my headphones on as usual. The dog was being recalcitrant so I scolded him – in Tamil. The next thing I hear is a mama voice piping up behind me, “are you Tamil? Are you from Madras?”. Yipes! I got stuck there for a good 15 minutes making stilted conversation. And that was long enough to get all the pertinent facts of the mama’s life. Fascinating! All about his daughters who live in the US and the green card he hopes to get….and the kicker, “India is the most draabai country ever”. After some desultory remarks he goes’ “A friend of mine, Sundaram came here and married a white woman. He sent me an invitation. Church wedding. I was so angry that I tore it up.” Thrilling!!! I’m stuck making blade conversation with an unpatriotic bigot. In between the ranting, he cleverly slips in the classic Q, “Are you brahmin?”. Wonder what other endearing traits he has. I can wait to find out.

I’m a GAY TAMBRAM!

I bet it news to you (it was to me!) but its true…for all of 30 seconds! My cousin & I went out for a drink to commemorate my last evening in the OC. We were at the bar when this couple- an old female about 50 or so and a younger guy sat next to us. We made some casual conversation and they seemed pleasant enough. After a while my cousin went out for a smoke and the woman asks me, “Are you two together? A couple?”. I do get asked the strangest questions! I think I give out some ‘ask me bizarre questions’ signals. I was so taken aback that all I could do was gape and say, “uh, no. she’s my cousin’. The woman then promptly lost interest! Make what you will of that.

Yiiiipppppppeeeeeeeeee!! The sabres won against the rangers!!! For the uninitiated I’m talking ice hockey. I got interested in this crazy sport when I visited family in Buffalo. The Buffalo sabres are one of the top teams and since they were my intro into ice hockey they became my team by default. What I understand of the game is close to non existent but it is fun especially when they start brawling, which is quite often!

OC and Marxist theory…

Life in Irvine, SoCal has been rather bland. But then what else can you expect from white republican middle aged orange county? The high point of the last few months was my visit back to Corvallis, OR. I went to pack up the rest of my stuff and catch up with friends. I swear in the week I was there, I drank more alcohol than in the last 6 months. Shows what a pathetic state my life has come to. One memorable evening was spent discussing political theory over alcohol (of course!). This discussion involved a very eclectic group- 2 Italians, 1 Spaniard, 1 Turk, 1 Kurdish Turk and moi (ze Indian). A slightly bizarre but fun evening was had by all. So there we were all speaking a strange foreign tongue and discussing Marxism and socialistic theories. Wonder what all the Americans around us thought!

p.s. For the folks unfamiliar with the OC (Orange County), its a lovely part of California which is famous for not just the rich white republicans but also for the eponymous TV series about more rich white young things who lead a seemingly charmed life.

American Idol is my inspiration.....

In case you noticed that my blog url is pronounciate.blogspot and wondered ????? I caught a bit of an episode of American Idol where they had some famous singer (I forget who) as a guest judge who sagely gives advice to the wannabes. Its one of those profound TV moments which on reflection are quite hollow. So the judge goes, "You sang great, blah..blah but you need to pronounciate better". It took a sec for that to sink in…..new word for the English language. Call the OED!!!!!!!