CCD and the mentally unstable

I've fallen into this routine in Delhi - spend the day at me aunts' office, go home to Haryana in the evening and joke (with my cousins) on being stuck in the back of the beyonds. Every now and again, me cousine and I escape from the hinterland of Haryana to the 'civilized' land of CCD, Masjid Moth (Cafe Coffee Day). There, invariably, some friends of the cousine will turn up. Which is usually quite fun. Occasionally though....the last time we were joined by one such friend.....who likes to have these endless one-sided conversations. Invariably, cousin and I keep glancing at each other, fiddling with our cell phones and generally showing manifest signs of boredom.

There is someone on the roads of Delhi, who must have some serious mental illness. I was taking an auto to my aunts' office and since I had nothing better to do I was gazing at what passes for scenery. Suddenly I realised that there was this guy lying on the side of the road sans even the angavastram! That was a sight I could have done without! Apparently that stretch of road is his haunt because he is there everyday when my aunts go to work. Certainly is a jolt for us in our comfortable lifestyles to see what others go through on a daily basis.

angavastrams at Westminster Abbey...

I was listening to the guide at the British Museum holding forth on Chinese pottery, when this Indian family came up to us. They wanted to know if the koh-i-noor was kept at the British Museum. I was under the impression it was in the crown jewels at the Tower of London. When I said so, the woman said they’d been to the Tower but apparently it wasn’t there. Anyway the guide disabused them of the notion that it was in the museum. Later that week when I went to the Tower, there in the middle of the crown, was this huge diamond and there is was a board saying the Imperial Crown with the koh-i-noor diamond! Wonder how those folks missed seeing it!

Victoria Station is a fun place to people watch. I was waiting for someone when I saw this desi enter the burger king. He was a normal looking desi – sober suit, beer belly and … a blue and red Superman belt buckle!

Went to an English pub and had a tough time ordering beer! The bartender was East European with a killer accent and then there was moi, with a weird desi-american blend accent! Getting a beer was never more exhausting!

These medieval Christians (actually even till later) were strange! They love to bury the famous and rich in their cathedrals. So as a visitor you suddenly realise you are literally walking on somebody’s grave! Rather disconcerting to look down and read, “Here lie the remains of so and so”. At the end of my week in London, I was tired of churches and cathedrals. They started to look the same with graves, stained glass… Though, I made it a point to go to the Salisbury Cathedral since they have one of the original copies of the Magna Carta. Unfortunately, they don’t allow photography of old documents.

Westminster Abbey is the oddest as it is chockfull of commemorative monuments and graves for variously numbered Kings, Queens, other aristocrats, famous poets and writers. Just as I was wondering what they did with Darwin, I discovered he was buried in the Abbey! How sacrilegious!

My favourite commemorative monument was this one to some soldier. It had cherubs and female figures –either the Virgin or some Diana/Athena type female. And the piece de resistance - an older but buff (as someone once said) bearded guy reclining with just an angavastram strategically draped…

Then there was Cromwell’s grave with the dates entered as 1658-1661. He sure did a lot for a 3 year old!! Ha! Elizabeth I and Mary I are buried together in the same tomb. Though the effigy is only of E. Poor Mary didn’t warrant a tomb of her own. Didn’t they hate each others guts?

p.s. Saw this in The Guardian, Friday June 01. The article was about the climate change talks – “Given his track record on this subject, putting Bush in charge of talks on climate change is like King Herod opening a nursery”.

Birth of a Cult...

The tube is great fun. I love the announcements they make. When the doors of the train open, this solemn deep voice admonishes you to "MIND THE GAP". It sounds almost like a mantra that some wacky cult would adopt. Three words to live your life by.

On my rambles I saw some amusing signs outside pubs. One said "I drink to make my friends seem more interesting" and another said "No football colour allowed inside". I guess just seeing the colours of the enemy team enrages the patrons!

What is with these touristy places and haunted houses? Stratford upon Avon has a haunted house of horses!! And there are 3 haunted houses in Salisbury! Wonder if any suckers actually go to check out the neighing horse ghosts.

Talking of Stratford, the house where the Bard was born is now a museum. And in the garden, there is a bust of Tagore presented to the museum by the Indian consulate or someone. One great writer in the garden of another great writer's house. Still a bit unexpected. And I doubt many non-Indians know about Tagore.

These guides in houses converted to museums are so strange. I went to Anne Hathaway's cottage and the guy talked of how they cleaned chimneys in the good old days. According to him (not sure I quite believe him) they would send a young boy to the roof and send a chicken on a string, down the chimney. The kid would lower and draw up the chicken till the chimney was cleaned. And the final time he would just drop the chicken down into the fireplace! Poor chicken!

Staying on Shakespearean topics, I decided to see Othello at the Globe Theatre in London. This is the third Globe to be built on the site of the original Globe. They have reconstructed it after much research on design and materials etc. Its been made to be as authentic as possible while keeping in mind modern health and safety laws. They even have standing tickets like in Elizabethan times. So, as befitting a poor unemployed ex-student, I bought the standing ticket and prayed that it would stop raining by the day of the play. My sackcloth and ashes routine was much appreciated for it was a nice and sunny on THE day. It was an evening performance for over 3 hours! I thoroughly enjoyed it though sometimes the details of the dialogue got away from me. I think Iago was my favourite. A very nicely done Iago- combination of smarmy bootlicker and evil dude plotting the downfall of ze moor. It was worth the killer cramps I got later that night!

Upon Westminster Bridge....

My second day in London I walked up and down the riverside and crossed the Thames many times, on various bridges. It was quite a day. I must have spent 12 hours on my feet! Quite crazy.

After gaping at the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, I crossed Westminster Bridge remembering Wordsworth. I doubt if Wordsworth would still say "Earth has not anything to show more fair...". The view from the bridge was non existent thanks to all the plastic billboards for the tube - hardly what he had in mind.

There were lots of places I had read about in the many books we devoured as kids. I was highly kicked to see Hyde Park, especially the Speaker's Corner where on Sundays anyone can hold forth on their pet peeve. Ring any bells, fellow Wodehouse fans? My favourite association with Speaker's Corner is Bingo Little in a false beard joining a communist rant because he wants to impress the girl he loves (one of the many!), who is communist. Bingo of course is desperate to hide his patrician background by railing at the aristocracy.

Heard of Ganga Jal? London has something similar - Canada water. Just kidding...obviously not! Canada Water I discovered is this region of London on the south side of the Thames. A cousin lives around there so I had to take the tube to the Canada Water station. Odd name. Wonder if they got water from Canada...just like Madras gets water from Andhra.

What is with the British love for silent letters and such? I was planning a trip by train to Salisbury. Stonehenge is easily accessible from Salisbury, you see. I kept pronounciating it as Salisbury, just like its spelt. Logical, I thought. Then I heard the train announcements and the guy was calling it Saulsbury! I should have just called it New Sarum. Apparently that was the original name of the town.

Tourists and mangy squirrels at the Brit Museum

Strangely the hordes of tourists wherever I went surprised me. Rather silly of me considering I was one of the hordes and it was supposed to be the begining of summer. Of course it was tiresome when I had to wait while the lines inched forward at any tourist site. The worst was at the British Museum. I went there the day it rained cats and dogs. Obviously everyone had the same brilliant idea so just walking through a room was painfully slow. The majority of the tourists at the museum were not particularly interested in the exhibits. Many just stood around and chatted, blocking the way for dedicated museum freaks like self. And then there were those for whom it was a photo op....ooooooh lets take a pic of us with the Egyptian statue thing (actually it's Assyrian but who cares...). GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

My humour was restored eavesdropping on these American girls at the museum who were discussing the mangy squirrels of Cleveland, Ohio. I quote, "Have you seen the ones in Cleveland. They are like so mangy with like clumps of hair falling out". "Yeeeeeeew"!!! I didn't realise that mangy squirrels were such a big issue in Cleveland. The things one learns at the museum!!!

Inspite of the imagery of mangy squirrels running amok in Cleveland, I had a good time at the museum. I saw the famous Elgin statues which the idiot Brit (Elgin) happily carted away from the Parthenon in the 18th century. Some of these were friezes of centaurs and lapiths (some human like thing) fighting. Exquisite except for the many missing heads of both. I just thought that they got damaged somewhere when I noticed a plaque under many of these friezes. Apparently various French and Italian dudes in the army (of France and Italy of course) coolly lopped off the heads as souvenirs! This was during the world wars or something.

Then there were the Assyrian exhibits. A very gruesome lot, the Assyrians. Lots of friezes again, of lion hunting with some very agonized looking lions, weirdly contorting their bodies. Plus more stuff showing the Assyrians massacring their enemies. Lots of decapitated folks being pulverized under the chariots. These friezes were strategically placed in the great hall where the king met visitors. Excellent psych warfare.

Ryan Air, corpses and Edinburgh

In case you ever plan on transporting a corpse by air, here's some useful info. Budget airline, Ryan Air allows human remains only on their flights from London's Stansted to Ireland. This was on their FAQs page! Are there really that many queries about flying corpses? Wonder if one has to buy a ticket for the corpse? Would it be half price? After all no beverage service required.

Outside Edinburgh Castle they have two guys in complete Scottish garb much to the tourists' joy. A thrid kilted dude comes along every few minutes and twitches the kilts of the first 2 into place. I dubbed him the kilt checker. Didn't see him adjust the sporrans though! So who checks the kilt checker?

Talking of kilts... in the tourist shops as expected there are lots of kilts on sale. However, I felt that a tartan umbrella was taking things a bit too far. I thought of buying me dad a kilt. Only he would not have been amused. Would probably say something about making him wear skirts.